Set scene- 10 pm on a Sunday night. Ngcebo is sitting in the study room at business school. 11 hours until he writes his Endodontics test (only 2 the whole year). His heart is racing, mind buzzing.
“with acute irreversible pulpitis, there is short sharp pain" ... for the 15th time in the last hour he is reading this sentence. Where did it go wrong? He was making such good progress. Covered so much work during the weekend. He had even talked to some guy working with the Gauteng film industry about a business opportunity. Opportunities lied ahead. So, it seemed.
Now though, he couldn't think straight. “she wouldn't do that to me right, after everything we've been through?... it can't be". Trying to sort out his thoughts, he prepares for a Twitter rant. The word limit meter fills up quick... and then empties again. He puts his phone down.
Its 11 now. Still no work done. Fuck. He picks up his phone... goes to WhatsApp and prepares to go converse with the person who told him this news... seemingly giving up on the test.
1 o clock, in bed, listening to Jaded by Drake. The meeting had darkened his heart a bit more. “Really? She couldn't have done that. I know her well enough", they're lying... they have to be.” But the timing makes too much sense. The distance between the two protagonists had been increasing. The replies, more sporadic. The urgency to want to see you decreasing... things you've seen in other couples, but didn't notice in your own.
It’s time.
Grabs phone and sends the message. Confrontational and not forgiving. Decision already made. The jury finds her guilty from given evidence. No chance of parole.
3 o’clock. Test in a couple of hours. Underprepared. Tired. Mentally fucked. Frank Ocean on repeat. Still no sight of rest. Just uncertainty at this point. Fuck. I overreacted didn’t I. I can't even delete the message now. Should have done it in person. You're an idiot.
7:45 am. Incoming text. “what are you talking about Ngcebo... its not true”. “I can't believe you'd believe other people without asking me first “... blood rushing now. Head spinning. I'm in an Orthodontics lecture where I'm usually confused...but now, now I don't even know what’s the name of the topic of the lecture. Test is in the next session. I'm trying to cram the last bits of the tests. I'm panicking now.
9:40... left the test first. Did it in less than an hour. Rushed through it... it could go either way really. My mind is on one thing now... finding out whether I have fucked up or not....
Day passes, and more news come, from people who didn't even know we were having trouble. Their own stories. Can't be a fucking coincidence now can it. Why are they coming now, like the timing is unprecedented. From people you seem to trust too. What the fuck?
5 o'clock... sad walk home with my boys. Pity all around. Bombardments of I'm sorry, and you'll be good hitting me like a bad boxer in a championship fight... and then guess who we see. The “faithful girlfriend “(or ex) and the really fun “we're just friends “. Looking rather cosy. Everything seems to slow down. I get a bit groggy and I'm fuming... its only natural right. Hand on my shoulder from my friend pulling me back. I try keep my cool. Don't do anything stupid Ngcebo. FFFFUUUUUCCCCKKK
I reach home. Met by a message from a now unsaved number. “you're overreacting, its really surprising... after so long, I see this side of you ". Further confusion on my side. Am I imagining this shit? Is everyone imagining everything. Am I supposed to ignore all the weeks of distance, and all that has transpired?
At this point too much has happened. I end all communication. Switch off the phone and try sort out my life. I still have 10 more tests in the next 2 and a half weeks. Phone off. Try survive Ngcebo. Heart hurting. Constant brain numbing pain. Days become weeks. Jaded on repeat for weeks (for a person who really disliked Scorpion, I found a new appreciation for it during that period)
The hard part was seeing her everyday though.
I survive though. Academically that is and I don't jump the guy (after a lot of contemplating and nearly doing it). Heart in tatters and all.
Weeks Later I hear they might be an item now, leading to a slight relapse, but not as bad as before. The heart hardened from past scar tissue.
Moral of the story.... always listen to albums fully the first time, cause when you start enjoying them, you look like an idiot after all the slander.