To all my fellow game of thrones sluts out there, welcome to another week of Westeros Weekly where I'll be discussing the occurrences of the first 2 episodes of Game of thrones.
The first two episodes were basically everyone coming together to Winterfell, so it’s easier for the night king to kill them all... they really are nice people, making his job easier like that.
First let’s talk about Sansa. Damn has she not become a favourite of ours.... nearly makes you forget how much of nothing character she was at the beginning. She's become a queen and it sucks cause I can't even make fun of her. She stands up to Dany, which is pretty hard cause the girl has two big queen-eating dragons, an army of castrated lapdogs, and well an army of wildlings with horses (and very moisturised skin and beautiful hair, we really need to discuss how the Dothraki have some of the best and most clean hair on the show. We might need a YouTube channel with a thorough breakdown of their routine). Sansa has become a fan favourite, it looks like the north can see it too. And I really thought I'd never say this, but go team Sansa. And she might even be getting herself some ginger dic.... never mind.
Arya, you dirty dog. Who would have thought? That kid we saw grow up the whole series was so horny. Probably everyone else but not me.
Bran. Well for one I can say he is way less boring now. But we all basically wanna know who has been pushing Bran around Winterfell as we can clearly see it is not wheelchair friendly (yeah Bran the builder didn’t give a fuck about adhering to the building codes when he constructed Winterfell. Whoever wins the throne might want to enforce stricter codes seeing that half the kingdoms will need rebuilding if they survive). I think that the last thing the other guys are worried about these days. And I have to ask, why is Theon the one defending Bran? That guy left his own sister to die, so now imagine an emotionless cripple.
Dany, has spent a good part of the last six seasons believing she was the rightful heir to the throne (first season it wasn't her biggest goal really), and building her armies and allies and even a council. Her entire existence in Game of Thrones has been one thing. To get the throne. So... imagine being told your whole purpose was based on a lie. You aren't the rightful heir. Of course the fact that you were letting your nephew get in your cheeks wouldn't be your first question. She probably hasn't even thought about that. Jon was also an idiot to bring it up just before the big war, cause I don't think she is helping him when he gets in trouble (not great for team morale you know).... and I would stan hard if she did that.
Can we talk about the fact that from episode one, it’s just been short jokes against Jon. He has beautiful hair and a connecting beard and all they can say is “oh you used to be taller" or “oh my first husband was a bit taller”... first of all your first husband was killed by a paper cut. Jon got stabbed in the heart. Shush. He's still broods and pouts a lot, and creepily enough, he is spending a lot of time in the graveyard. Like they all seem to just go chill there quite often... weird.
Cersei, my queen, has been left all alone with Qyburn the boy in King’s Landing. Her part in the series has been diminished with the majority of the characters being in Winterfell, so what does she do to pass the time as there is a slaughtering in the North. Get really comfortable with Euron. I mean what’s a girl to do with all that time, not get herself some?
Since a few of my predictions from before came through... I'll be making a few more.
Firstly the Lord of Light is gonna have a huge role in the upcoming fight. Personally I think the red woman is gonna come with an army of red priests to help fight the Night King with fire. She did say she was supposed to die “in this strange country” meaning Westeros in season seven so it is very likely.
Secondly the Night King is going to King’s Landing.... this is just me hoping really. Two reasons why, we get more screen time for Cersei and secondly we get to see two fights (no ways it’s ending at Winterfell, we didn’t even see the Night King there we just saw his squad); in Winterfell and in King’s Landing, although the King’s Landing one is more like a slaughtering.