Set scene, you’re in public and a song comes on. And its your jam. If you were in the safe confines of your room alone you would go crazy when it came on. You'd be attempting to do backflips on beat like an abusive crack head. But since you're in public, you defer to the basic milly wop and a gentle side to side.
This is a place some of us find ourselves in life. Or maybe just me. I don't know. A lot of the decisions some of us make are too environment orientated without our own wishes really being taken into consideration.
Personally it has come to my attention that I am one of those people who really does take what people think too highly. To the point where I will not do something that could bring excitement to my very tedious and monotonous life cause I fear the backlash from the people around me, when honestly, those people couldn't even care less.
As a person who had been preaching self preservation to my friends for the longest, for this reason, I have become a bit of a hypocrite. I have realized that I put a lot of weight in these opinions, that it's gotten to the point where its hard to identify one's self, directing me, to where I am now, where the decisions in life are all made with certain bit of doubt. Do I like the music I like, or do I listen to it cause its cool to listen to. Am I really an avid movie stan or am I just trying to fit a cool aesthetic ( nah I like movies).
The last time I think I truly made a decision for myself without the influence of other peoples perceptions, was the start of the blog. And it was fun until I started over thinking my articles. I started writing for what I thought people wanted to hear, and leaving what the blog was for me, therapy and a way to get all my opinions out there for myself to go back to .
Andile (Malum Wakho) and I had been discussing the possibility of expanding to a small podcast. At a very leisurely pace we would release episodes. At first we were very excited about the idea, as sometimes our thoughts aren't perceived the way we want them to be on the blog. As we were discussing the nitty gritty of the podcasts, good old Ngcebo came back. My biggest worry ended up being, what people will think, that we'd need a gimmick like all the other shows to make it work, people are gonna say we're jumping on the podcast wave, etc. The usual chat whenever someone wants to do anything. This is the point where I realized, a huge part of me is easily influenced. And really, it would just be fun to be sitting with friends, and discussing all the nonsense that goes on in our lives and around us, and most importantly banter. My doubts have put that whole chat on hold really( and the issue of tine and most importantly, I have the wackest voice in history).
At the end of the day, happiness should be our only goal. Although the opinions of others do matter, to steer you right in the thinking’s of society, sometimes you really have to say fuck all these people, even if the people you're saying fuck you to are those closest to you .
Sorry for the sobering post people 😔