Well, it's round about that time again. Time for yet another story about my escapades with the opposite sex. For today, I offer a change of pace from our normal reads about "the game". Maybe we can all learn something from this piece - being thoughtful, attentive and caring can go a long way in breaking the cycle.
I hear "men are trash" being thrown around all the time. Although I have many issues with women, as they have with me, one that lingers true is the fact that women find it almost impossible to take blame/accountability. Shifting blame wherever possible and at a moment's notice. What I'm tryna say is that women are equally trash as men, if not worse... A well versed woman in the game is a lethal weapon and a factory for churning out the next "fuckboy". All a fuckboy is, is a young man who was hurt and is not ready or willing to open up and bare his heart as he once did, afraid to be hurt again. A defense and coping mechanism utilised by the male gender. Very effective but with dire consequences if used irresponsibly, carelessly and maliciously. Once a young man is hurt, a fuckboy is born and may hurt innocent and unsuspecting women in his wake. And so the cycle continues of people hurting other people. It's the game and you choose to play, so enjoy the ride but always be ready to be hurt. A bit pessimistic, I know but yo, it be like that sometimes...
Now let's not get this messed up. There's a big difference between a complete asshole and what you women like to call a "fuckboy". Most often, a fuckboy is incorrectly labelled as an asshole and a breakdown in communication or misunderstanding results in the fairer sex getting hurt. So let's try break this down real quick.
From my understanding, a fuckboy is a:
1. Young man age 17 to 25 (in the prime of his life really)
2. A guy who really doesn't want to settle or settle down (big difference between the two just by the way) and commit to one female at this stage in his life (for various reasons really, he might have his own visions, dreams and ambitions which he might want to chase and achieve first)
3. A guy with hurt feelings from a previous relationship who knows that commitment to a single female isn't possible at this stage in his life. Due to his own need to heal, explore and try different things out to see what he likes in a partner.
4. A guy who comes off as confident (which may spillover to cockiness and arrogance - but let's digress) and
5. A guy who is confident in his ability to get a woman and sleep with them timeously.
So these are the basic traits which make up a fuckboy.
Can we all agree? Cool. So now remember what I said and let's differentiate between a fuckboy and an asshole.
Women often encounter a man who's good looking/well put together and confident (these are two traits which make women weak at the knees and really open up the door for us to enter and shoot our shot). More often than not, she comes in knowing he's not ready or looking for a serious relationship but still goes in with the mindset of "if I'm bout to give this nigga the time of day, effort and "the goods" then he's gonna be my man (lol, how has that worked out for you guys so far?).
This can go one of two ways, with him keeping true to his word or the woman being able to "change the guy" (which is one of the goals a woman aspires to in life after always being right in every situation, ever in the history of ever). Now we have to remember the "fuckboy" is open and honest about his intentions. More often than not the relationship develops and naturally as people talk and get to know each other comfort is established, you guys might enjoy each other’s company and banter flows and naturally a sense of possession and attachment will be attached to this whole situation. As time goes on, you know, things happen and cheeks get beat. [Beating cheeks = intercourse. It sounds cooler my way right.] The golden rule being you can't sleep with a girl/guy more than three times or else feelings are caught and that's when confusion arises.... as things were communicated in the beginning and rules/boundaries established...
Now as to what happens at this stage is dependent on the individuals involved. Homie might recognize and appreciate the Queen in front of him and "do the right thing" and cuff her and build cuz he realises even though things aren't going according to his own plan (life rarely ever does) - you can't pass up a good thing when it falls right on your lap. Or he might stick to his plan that he's set for himself and focus on himself and his goals and ambitions, which don't mix well with a serious relationship and dip (as dream chasing requires focus, attention and time). Now if anyone gets hurt as this stage, we can't even blame anyone or call people names. Logically, obvs in the heat of the moment or when emotions are running high and rampant there's no critical thinking and "fuck you's" fly higher than Chris Brown on a Tuesday.
Words like "asshole" stick and fit when people's intentions weren't made clear, lies were told to manipulate feelings and emotions were faked and used to trick people... all asshole tendencies. Remember now, I didn't isolate assholes to being of one specific gender. Last time I checked both your granny and grandpa have assholes soooo really it's a human thing. Both men and women are assholes to each other, everyday even. And can cause the same hurt to each other. Don't think cuz Tshego or Mohammed or Kyle or Themba hurt you niggas ain't shit or the whole gender is trash and women are saints. Listen, there are Mbali's, Sne's, Ashley’s and Courtney's out here; veterans of this game and who will show you flames. You might've been the one hurt and the good one in the relationship but that doesn't mean the opposite sex is to blame and are all bad.
Now with all my articles I always try offer a piece of advice. That piece of advice today will be to always remember to protect your heart and keep a piece of mind. Why, well cause all things come to an end and come to passing. Family members, series, adolescence, Chicken Licken hot wings, your favourite song and relationships. The key is to appreciate, enjoy and learn from the experience and the only way to really experience it is to go fully in and be prepared to be hurt i.e being completely vulnerable and yes, this is very dumb thing to do. Always remember that but don't be paranoid or limit yourself cuz it won't hit the same, this especially applies for relationships. And if things don't turn out the exact way you predicted or wanted, thats life and at least you learnt something and fully enjoyed from the experience.
Whenever going into a relationship or situationship always be aware and vigilant to signs - visual, verbal and all the small things to pick up. These are all things you learn overtime in order not to waste your time or be hurt ever again. But being hurt and pain just what comes with life. Let me give you an example, don't you remember the first time you dropped your ice cream on the floor after craving it the whole day and relentlessly begging your parents for it. This didn't make you bitter about the concept of gravity or hate on ice cream - cuz well, ice cream slaps. This is a concept you should apply to life, with it being more serious in some situations as compared to others...but you catch my drift.
Now I'm not an expert at anything and I'm also living through it and learning. I have my own hang ups, make my own mistakes and fuck up time to time. I've also been hurt and played. But it's about the journey and I'm at a place to be ready to accept, enjoy and learn from what happened.