This is easily the most important article I've ever written. Do you know how many times I have wished, no, prayed that there was such a thing as male contraception. Well, a more reliable form of male contraception. The two we have for now are condoms (boooooo!!!) - I know right, which are hella whack. With some condoms you can't even feeling anything. Mid stroke you'll be thinking "is this even worth it, what's the point of this, I'd rather be sleeping." But enough venting about condoms, for now. And the second male contraceptive being, well, the infamous "pull-out method". Now, there is no sure percentage or value that can be given to the success rate of this method because it goes according to the person. More so, by situation. A well-versed man in the arts of the "pull-out" is avoiding fate, which can be avoided for only so long and as we all know fate is inevitable. One day young sir, you will meet a woman who will bring you to your knees and make you scramble around in the early hours of the morning trying to find a nearby clinic which still has the "morning after" pill still in stock. Because you too, cannot run from fate... and as I was saying. About the condom situation, they're just whack. I won't get too graphic because I do have more conservative readers (don't say I've never done anything for you).
Female contraceptives are great and all until your girlfriend or friend with benefits doesn't want to be on them. Now you're left with the hard decision of sticking to your guns and trusting your good old friend Mr Pull-out or using that dreaded slimey piece of rubber... Abstinence you say? Can we please be serious! This is a serious matter, no time for jokes.
Damn man, I dream of a day where I can be given the piece of mind of having an effective male contraceptive. Where nuts can be busted in peace and have you sleeping like a baby, through what's left of the night and the entire morning. So I guess this article is targeted towards the lazy scientists of this world, who are busy twiddling their thumbs or wasting time tryna develop a cure for something stupid like weed addiction. For goodness sake man, stop wasting your time and develop a male contraception pill. You'll be doing all of us a huge solid. Plus, can you imagine the amount of money that can be made from this... I hope this article inspires someone.
Till next time, strap up gents. Or if you're down for living life on the wild side, pull out at first throb. Do not tempt fate, cuz that shit will come back to bite you in the pocket.
Yours sincerely, a concerned brother.