Look who we have this week, Vuyi Foloti from The Poetic Escape (www.thepoeticescape.co.za) joins us as a guest to talk about the ups and downs on solitude. It’s great pleasure to welcome Vuyi to Fluid Thoughts.
I think the title already, just spells out what this article is going to be about.
Being single. Which is quite hard to do sometimes because having a warm body to cuddle is so comforting, especially with how draining the 20’s can be. But, I feel sometimes taking that time is necessary to just cleanse yourself and fill yourself up with YOU. I’ve been single for 7 long months and honestly I miss having a companion but men make your vision blurry so nah I’m cool. But honestly, jokes aside, it really is important to take time off. Firstly because being single makes you focus on just yourself, all your feelings and emotions, that’s a great time to analyse and learn yourself. Most times when relationships end we tend to play the blaming game and never take accountability and the gag is if you’ve had a string of bad relationships the only common denominator is YOU. So you need to check yourself and own up. Be it letting people you had a feeling weren’t going to be best for you into your intimate space, be it allowing yourself to be treated in the ways you were treated, or maybe you were the toxic one. Check yourself, take accountability and that takes time.
I’m not saying don’t date but if you don’t realise your mistakes you’ll be stuck in that reality and you’ll recreate it with someone else and is that the life you really want to live?
Secondly, the feeling of loneliness doesn’t come from not being in a relationship but from a void and us thinking it can be filled up by someone. Take responsibility for your life, everything that happens in it is because of how you react to things that get thrown at you. Unfortunately no person will ever be big enough to fill that tapping hole you feel inside. Yes that one. Raise your awareness. There have been times where I missed someone to laugh with, what did I do? Throw on some Netflix and laughed at a comedy. Learn to fill voids that you feel by yourself. That is the only true way to feel complete. Even our happiness is our responsibility, another person should add onto it not be our happiness. That’s too much responsibility to place on a person and doing that will never end well for you beloved.
So when you feel yourself sliding into a relationship you know you don’t want to be in, to appease that void, to have that warm body to lie next to (be up front with people if that’s all you want, but don’t go starting whole relationships for body heat). Ask yourself, if you can’t give that to yourself first because bringing an entire human being into the equation can be messy. There’s really no need because imagine the admin that comes with a relationship when all you could’ve done was be was be mindful and honest about what you really need, YOU.
Remember, always raise your awareness.