An intentional habit. They said it is toxic to your body but it numbs the mental pain.
An intense philosophical conversation carries around a circle of friends standing with each one presenting their point in a loud yet mellow manner. There’s that one who usually presents his points from obscure angle, the hipster, usually grabs everyone’s undivided attention. They all listen tentatively sharing laughter in between their silent moments when the hipster talks, his long elaborate TED Talk interrupted by an extended hand to his right, it is during the day hours of course. The hipster takes a few drags of the finely wrapped joint delicately handed to him and continues his talk.
I have harvested great benefits from sharing such moments with friends and strangers who later became friends through bonding over a blunt. I have met different people from different walks of life through this habit and gained a few bit of knowledge I wouldn’t have otherwise known. But smoking has really helped me creatively.
Okay creatively this is how I see it: you have this idea that you have been itching to try out, for me usually on photoshop or illustrator [currently on Word], you have a vaguely clear image of what you’re trying to achieve. You have the unwavering self-belief that you can pull off something like this yet you have never actually actively done it, you may have ran through the process in your head but have never actually worked on it. So now you’re finally sitting in front of a blank document and the cursor has to start moving around to create something worthwhile. Each time is different, sometimes it’s a slow start stumbling over elements you do with relative ease on other days and sometimes it can feel like you’re swinging forward with rhythm on monkey bars in the playground, just instinctive you don’t have to think it just flows. However the process is going doesn’t matter but you’re working at it. You’re making headway on the monkey bars then suddenly the gaps widen and each swing is more daunting than the one before. The fear of failure creeps in. Fear of failing to make it through that rough patch of stumbling over things usually that are easy to you or fear of ruining the beautiful work that you’re ever so close to finishing. That’s when weed comes in, after a quick smoke I’d usually gain the confidence to attempt whatever daunting task that faces me on the photoshop or whichever software. Confidence or a “fuck it” attitude, I don’t know but it ends up helping me see the idea through.
Listen being dependent on weed isn’t aesthetically hectic as itching and having sleepless nights as you crave a hit of a crack pipe or something. Nor is it socially accepted [yet] like cigarette dependency, I mean multi-million rand companies allow smoke breaks because it helps with productivity. The same concept applies to which ever drug you choose. You have completely forgotten how to achieve what you want to achieve without the aid of said drug; be it happiness, productivity, healing heartbreak or grief, whatever, you’re not doing it naturally anymore. A lot of people use music to handle different challenges in life: that jock in the gym with earphones that you can still hear over the loud grunts as they lift weights or even someone trying to finish an assignment in the late hours of the night in the library. That’s how substance dependency feels like, situations you can face without the substance but find an addictive comfort in facing them under the influence.
I am not against the legalization of weed however I am unimpressed by the imbalance of its glorification and the cautions against smoking it. By cautions I don’t mean a Life Orientation poster that’s another rendition of the “this is your brain, this your brain on drugs” advert; that’s too far detached. Not another “say no to drugs, drugs aren’t cool” message [I challenge you now to search for imagines of people smoking, they look fucken cool bro]. They never show the mental consequences that we can identify around us of your brain being on drugs. It has been a rarity to hear even musicians talk about their struggles with drug dependency whether it be alcohol, weed, coke whatever, it’s usually glorified, always put across as “weed is the reason they manage to create such a great album” and rarely is it “they were under so much pressure not to fail they used weed to cope with such pressure”. I thoroughly enjoy listening to artists who are brave enough to be open about both sides their dependencies. Ones I relate most to are Earl Sweatshirt and Isaiah Rashad, I won’t get into their music that’s for another day. Their music lays bare what most smokers go through, how when they hit a low they get high and their struggles with getting out of the low through more positive ways other than smoking. See working your way out a low in life is not a one and done process, you have to battle your demons almost on the daily, that’s where the dependency thrives.
So what I am trying to say here? I really don’t know I just wanted to take about this. I don’t know what I’m doing here but it feels good talking about it because I have this burning desire to dropkick everyone who says weed isn’t addictive or weed isn’t a drug. I’ve talked to people who are years clean and are living with a happier version of themselves, they still fight cravings. I’ve talked to daily smokers who are much happier with where they are after reaping of the rewards of smoking. I really don’t know and I don’t want to sound preachy but as long as you’re honest with yourself and you better yourself.